The art of listening

By Reinaldo Passadori*

If we need to really listen to someone, first we must be willing to, like a wish, an unbreakable desire that will not make us give up in case of adversity. Then, we must try and exercise flexibility, putting ourselves in the other’s shoes, sympathetically.

By the way, sympathy is just like that: fitting ourselves to the style, psychological moment, beliefs and values of the speaker and try to get the best understanding.

Some suggestions are important for those who really feel like listening to people and then, open a door for relationships: friendship, sales, business, leadership, love, etc.:

- Look into the eye of the other person and notice all its details, be focused and involved with him/her; 

- Try to keep calm, do not allow yourself to be mastered any kind of prejudice or something you consider unpleasant;

- Be patient, know how to accept one´s silence;

- Avoid contradicting the other one, by not saying words like “but” or “however”. Try, before disagreeing, to find something you two agree with;

- Value and respect the speaker’s opinion;

- Show respect and respect him/her just the way he/she is and not the way you would like him/her to be;

- Create favorable conditions so that the speaker can express his/her ideas and opinions freely, know how to deal with disagreement;

- Concentrate the differences on the idea field and do not allow that they are taken personally;

- Be certain that you completely understood what the speaker intended to say by questioning, asking, echoing, avoid misunderstandings;  

- Finally, make use of the great love you have deep in your heart to entirely accept the other people just the way they are: full of defects, limits, prejudice and also, full of virtues, dreams, knowledge, feelings. Just like you.

(*) Reinaldo Passadori is a director and business administrator, specialized in Human Resources.